I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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