dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How external is "for external use only"?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize