so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
