i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
