What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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