my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
