His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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