glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
