At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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