I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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