Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
