I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
