I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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