who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
