the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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