First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We are two peas in an std pod
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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