Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
