umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
