I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
