I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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