I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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