At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
