I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
