There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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