i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
