You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
