I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
