Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
