We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
