Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize