Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
