I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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