Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
