i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
