I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
