can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish my penis had a tongue
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
