He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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