I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
