So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize