using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
