You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
