Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
