Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
