And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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