at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
