Do you still have your period?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
