can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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