So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
