Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
