Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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