i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
