Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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