My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
