my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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