come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
