Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
