Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
