the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
