He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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