Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize