hell yes lets make some ravioli
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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