I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize