I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
