Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
