dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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