So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize