I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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