oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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