I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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