She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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