you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
