He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
