You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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